Chapter Twelve

Lamorna remained standing, motionless, as her brother’s soft grumbling gradually increased in volume. The thought that his cries may be heard roused her into action. She grabbed the already prepared skin of milk and dropped down on the pile of straw. Holding him close, she shoved the teat into his small mouth; milk squirted into his mouth and over his face. He jerked, startled, and choked then cried even more.

Lamorna sucked in her breath then held him close, his face almost in her neck. “Oh, I’m sorry, little one. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” Her chin quivered as her mother’s voice seemed to whisper around her, “Oh, Lamorna, you never do...”

“Mam–” Her voice caught. “Mam, I’m sorry. Please come back I want you.” She wept into his swaddling clothes, but his wails easily drowned her sobs.

Cradling him gently, she eased the teat into his open, quivering mouth. He latched onto it and began to drink, milk dribbling out the sides of his mouth as usual. As he fed, Lamorna swallowed several deep breaths to stop her crying, and concentrated on her options. “Why did I not think of going to Daroth’s on my own before? Surely, it would not matter that I am not yet a woman.”

A shudder escaped her as she wondered what Elford’s reaction would be to her arriving unannounced, in such bleak circumstances, and with a new-born. And what about Daroth? Would he be happy to see her? “Or would he prefer if I choose to make the long journey instead? Then he would be free to marry... Janina. I’m sure her father would be happy with such a good. Match.”

It was only as she spoke the words out loud did Lamorna realise, deep in her heart, that she had convinced herself that Daroth and Janina would be a much better, happier match. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head in an effort to deny the hurt that pierced her heart. But she could not deny that going to Daroth was the safest option.

The baby’s eyes were already sliding shut. “And yet what choice do I have?” she whispered. “I promised Mam I’d look after you.” A small voice in her head began to berate her for having agreed to care for him, a voice she hurriedly silenced.

Sighing loudly, she winded him and was about to lay him down when she decided against it. Making herself comfortable, she cradled him close, rocking him to sleep.

I do have a choice, though, don’t I? she thought.  I can go through the forest to Vanora’s people. A chill enveloped her at the thought of travelling through the forest alone. How long would she last, especially with a new-born? But Vanora said I wouldn’t be alone. What did she mean? She’s already said she can’t accompany us. Frowning, Lamorna shook her head.

“Going to Daroth, that’s the only way, the safe way.” It was as if giving voice to this particular thought would make it more persuasive. “But I won’t go at once. That may be the first place the soldiers go looking for me, when they don’t find me anywhere near here.” Nodding as if to convince herself, she moved to her knees, and arranged the bed with one hand before carefully laying the sleeping baby on it. She rummaged through the pack for something to eat, regretting not finishing her hot breakfast. Making a face at the bread and cheese, still she sat back to eat.

She wondered how much time had passed. Surely their absence would have been discovered already. Her throat closed against the bread she was about to swallow at the thought of an upset Lulie, knowing the woman would be inconsolable and that she, Lamorna, was to blame. She wished she could let Lulie know that she and her brother were alright; the woman was like a second mother to her. But secrecy was of the utmost importance – their lives were at stake.

With a sob, she gulped down some water before putting the rest of the food away, her appetite having vanished.

Sitting with her back against the cave wall, she drew her legs up before her and clasped her arms around them. She stared into space, unable to fully comprehend how much her life had changed in only two days. The life she’d had with her parents seemed like somebody else’s life now.

With a heavy sigh, she rested her head on her drawn-up knees. Her mind wandered back to the previous night when Vanora had explained the beliefs of the religion she belonged to... so different to what Lamorna had been brought up to accept.

The priests spoke of only one god, prayers had to be said at certain times, and the people were told what to say in their prayers. If they followed the rules laid down by the priests, then goodness would be their reward. But Lamorna now knew this was not true; Reena had followed their rules and her reward was to be denied her.

Those who believed as Vanora did believed in both, a god and a goddess, one was as strong as the other and neither could exist without the other. She had explained that the god was of the daytime; the light and the sun were his, while the goddess was the moon with her realm of darkness and the night. There was no set time for prayers, just as there was no set text for prayers. It sounded so natural, and seemed to make more sense than what the priests talked about every seventh day when they went to worship at the top of the hill.

 Feeling sleepy, Lamorna made herself comfortable next to her brother, pulling the cloak over both her and him. Drifting into sleep, she fell into strange, meaningless dreams, which coalesced into a pitiful, mewling cry. Struggling awake, she blinked rapidly, not knowing where she was before it came back to her.

Groggily, she lit another candle even though the earlier one had not quite burned down yet. Then she readied more milk, fed the baby, changed him, and settled him down again; she was aching to return to sleep.

Each time she had to wake to see to the baby, her mood deteriorated. She barely ate much herself.  Having finally slept for a longer stretch, Lamorna felt a little more rested when she awoke on her own.

She splashed water on her face and wiped it with her cloak, ate then paced up and down, grimacing as her stiff joints protested. She wondered what the time of day was and what her friends were doing. She wondered if people were out looking for her, for him. Her thoughts strayed to her father and her last sight of him and her mother being dragged away. Relentless questions demanded her attention. Dare she hope that Logan was still alive? Would he come looking for them? And where was Reena buried?

A soft cry escaped her as she shut her eyes and shook her head, denying the distressing thoughts. She did not want to think of her parents, the memories were too painful. She continued to walk, marching with determination as if trying to keep a step ahead of the pain.

After a while she returned to sit, envying her brother his peaceful sleep. To keep her mind off painful memories, she tried to focus on what she would say to Daroth and his parents. But her head felt too heavy for her neck to support as yet another yawn escaped her. She tried to stay awake but her eyes kept closing...

Standing in front of Daroth’s village, Lamorna sees her future husband waiting with his parents. A voice keeps calling to her, faint yet familiar, but she sees no one else she recognises. Then she’s standing before them as Daroth’s father says, “Ah, you brought him then.”

She looks down at the baby. “How did you know?”

Daroth takes a step towards her, but his father pulls him back, spitting on Lamorna.

Soldiers are coming towards her. “I said we’d come for you.” They laugh even as one drags the screaming infant from her arms.

“No!”

The soldier continues, “You didn’t think they would want anything to do with that.” He points to the ground.

Lamorna’s eyes widen at the sight of Reena lying there, lifeless. Her mother opens her eyes, her mouth and speaks, “I told you... turn back...”

Lamorna screams.

She jerked awake, gasping loudly, shaking as her heart thudded against her chest.

The baby whimpered then began crying. The candle’s flame flickered valiantly before finally giving in and drowning in the pool of melted wax.

Another scream escaped Lamorna as they were plunged into darkness. She could not move, reminding her of the dream, and she started to panic, terrified the soldiers were going to appear.

Her ragged sobs echoed around her as she scrabbled about on hands and knees for her brother. Weeping, she grabbed him and held him close, unable to shake the terror of the nightmare.

Light... She glanced up to see a small light beginning to descend. She’d been found. She had to get away. Staggering back, clutching him close, she realised the only way out was blocked by the descending figure. She fell to her knees. Then a hand was on her shoulder. She screamed.