Was It My Childhood Ambition To Be A Writer?

‘Woman Working at Bedroom Desk’ by Charles Dana Gibson

When interviewed, many writers – established and new ones – usually reveal that it was their childhood ambition to be a writer, that it was something they knew they’d be from an early age.

I’m not one of those.

What I always wanted to be was a wife and mother, and I’m lucky to have fulfilled both those roles…

‘Mother and Children’ by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1879)

Though, unlike being a mother, sadly the ‘wife’ part hasn’t lasted to the end of my days.

As for being a writer, I didn’t think of myself as one until I was in my 30s.

Even then, I just toyed with the idea because ‘writers’ – those who published books that were sold in bookshops – were on a whole other level.

Back then, that was my definition of a writer – someone who writes books that are published.

I’m sure I’ve said before that I first started writing basically to relieve the boredom of being stuck at the till at the back of the shop where I worked.

I knew what I wanted to write, had a basic story idea and characters, then just threw it all onto the page… lots of pages.

Everything I loved about my favourite genres was included.

And the end result was… a turgid mess.

If I ventured too close to the thought of being a writer and happened to voice that thought, there’d usually be someone who’d bring me ‘back down to earth’ again.

Sometimes, I was that ‘someone’.

Anyway, it wasn’t until I’d become a mother, when both boys were around toddler-ish age, and I was working part-time, that I dug out that turgid story and started rewriting it.

By then, I’d bought a couple of books ‘on writing’ and decided to get serious about it.

Even though he wasn’t much of a fiction reader, hubby (now ex-hubby) was quietly supportive of my writing, and even drew me a map, which I still have with my early story notes.

Once we started home-schooling, I found I actually had more time to devote to writing.

After our daily ‘school’ sessions, which were usually in the mornings, and if we didn’t have any outings planned, the afternoons were free for the boys to play and for me to write.

Many of the parents in our home-school group were enthusiastic about my writing, which helped me through the inevitable, many moments of ‘imposter syndrome’.

That turgid story I mentioned?

After countless rewrites and drafts, it eventually turned into ‘The Cursed Gift’.

And, soon after, I started on ‘Moon Goddess’.

So, do I think of myself as a writer all the time now?

I’d like to say yes, but ‘imposter syndrome’ still lurks in the background and I still doubt myself.

So, what about all you writers out there… and other creators like musicians, artists, sculptors, even those who create games?

Did you know from a very young age that you’ve always wanted to create what you now create?

And despite how prolific and/or successful you are, are you still plagued with self-doubt?