Bullying Is NEVER The Answer
‘Bully’ - (Pixabay - johnhain)
This is quite the departure for me. Normally, I keep my thoughts to myself on stuff that ‘blows up’ on social media.
However, this time I feel strongly enough to blog about it. Having been bullied when I was younger, I cannot abide bullies.
On 12 November, the best-selling author, Sarah Dessen, posted a tweet with an attached screenshot from a South Dakota newspaper article about the 10-year anniversary of a university’s ‘Common Read’ programme. The screenshot was a quote by a young woman who’d been a college junior at the time and had been on the selection committee. Dessen had ‘redacted’ her name by scribbling over it with a pen:
Dessen’s accompanying tweet:
“Authors are real people. We put our heart and soul into the stories we write often because it is literally how we survive in this world. I’m having a really hard time right now and this is just mean and cruel. I hope it made you feel good.”
I can see how the quote can be taken as hurtful, and I’m not saying Dessen shouldn’t have felt hurt by it. If it had been me, I know I’d have felt that hurt. But to take to social media… No.
Do what the rest of us do when we’re hurt – talk to family/friends, eat cake or a whole tub of ice cream, whatever works for you, and move on. If she felt strongly enough about it, then she should have contacted the young woman personally to ask her why she felt that way about her books – have a discussion instead of instantly being outraged. Also, although the article itself was recent, Dessen’s book not being chosen happened in 2016.
Every single one of us needs to take responsibility in how we conduct ourselves in the world. Even more so when you’re a famous person with a large following and influential friends, each of whom has their own large followings. Because we all know what social media can be like.
I don’t know why Dessen bothered to scribble out the young woman’s name. It takes hardly any effort to find things out, thanks to Google, and it wasn’t long before the young woman’s name was being bandied about.
Many big-name authors weighed in with their support, commiserating with Dessen, which is understandable. They included Jodi Picoult, Angie Thomas, Roxane Gay, NK Jemisin, Ruta Sepetys and Celeste Ng to name a few.
However, what then followed was unforgivable. The language that was used against the young woman, Brooke Nelson, was horrible, and included the f-word and calling her a raggedy ass b***h – that was from well-known authors. Because of the vitriol and bullying hurled at her, Miss Nelson deactivated her Facebook and Twitter accounts.
So, what is a ‘common read’? It’s a book that’s chosen by a committee, usually made up of faculty members and students who choose the recommended reading book for the entire freshman year. The author is then invited to give a talk at the university.
At the university in question – Northern State – Miss Nelson was one of many, meaning she only had ONE vote. Sarah Dessen’s book was 1 of 52.
By cropping the picture and tweeting only part of it, Dessen changed the narrative; no longer was it about a committee choosing a book for their students, she had made it into a personal attack on her.
Taking it in its entirety – in context – Miss Nelson is talking about college-level reading.
Miss Nelson probably could have chosen her words better as the phrase, “she’s fine for teen girls”, is what seems to have put the bullies’ collective nose out of joint. But what she was in favour of, the reason she joined the committee in the first place, was the inclusion of more weighty topics including the book that was chosen.
‘Just Mercy’ is a true story about a black man, Walter McMillian, wrongly sentenced to death for a crime he hadn’t committed, and Bryan Stevenson is the lawyer who represented him.
The original news article had not included Miss Nelson’s reasoning for why she’d advocated for other books, including ‘Breath, Eyes, Memory’ by Edwidge Danticat and ‘When Breath Becomes Air’ by Paul Kalanithi. Because of that, she was understandably wary of talking to reporters again and “agonised over whether to make any statement at all. She was worried the episode could ‘torpedo’ her career – she’s in graduate school…” In the end, she responded to reporters via email.
Another thing that boggled my mind was the number of, mainly, authors – YA authors – who insisted she was taking a swipe at YA fiction and at teen girls. The Vulture article quotes some of these, for want of a better word, ‘views’, so I won’t repeat them here.
I don’t understand. How are so many authors so bad at reading comprehension?
And why is the YA community, including the authors, so sensitive when it comes to any perceived criticism of YA?
The ‘romance’ genre is regularly treated with disdain, but it has millions of fans and avid readers. Those authors just keep writing and writing, keeping their fans happy, ignoring the scorn that comes their way.
Ignore the scorn. Keep writing your stories and let that speak for you. Stop wasting time and energy being defensive. Be proud of what you write and ignore the cynics.
To be honest, I was appalled by the behaviour of Sarah Dessen and her friends. Women ganging up on another woman. Why? Because she had the audacity to be dismissive about your work. As a creator – whether you’re a writer, musician, artist, designer – you have to expect and accept that not everyone is going to like your work. And it’s ok for them to express their opinion, whatever that might be. Miss Nelson was not having a go at ‘Sarah Dessen, the author’; she was talking about the content of her books in the context of college-level reading. She was expressing her opinion.
Neither is the university against YA or women. Last year, ‘The Hate U Give’ by Angie Thomas was chosen as the ‘common read’, and women authors have been chosen, about 5 times if I’m not mistaken, over the 10-year period.
Sadly, Angie Thomas decided to weigh in, tweeting directly to the university: “Remember that book you chose in 2018, The Hate U Give? It was written for TEEN GIRLS. Don’t make any of my books your common reads since my demographic is beneath you.”
And this prompted the university to issue an apology. To Sarah Dessen. They kicked their own student to the kerb. For shame. What message does that send to their current students? Is no one allowed to voice their own opinion now?
On the one hand, we encourage our children to speak up and voice their opinions if they feel strongly enough about it, even if it’s unpopular. When they do, they’re then penalised when an adult’s feelings get hurt.
Being a graduate student, Miss Nelson is probably in her early 20s. She’s still finding her way and mistakes will be made. Who among us isn’t guilty of being occasionally tactless? There was absolutely no need to use one’s power and influence to bully someone who has barely any social media following.
Sarah Dessen, who’s 49, has been publishing since 1996, has written 15 books and been on the NYTimes Bestsellers List. Yet she chose to behave like an insecure newcomer. What sort of message does this send to young people who look up to these authors and love their books? It’s very disheartening.
It was good, though, to see there were authors and others sticking up for Miss Nelson and calling these, mainly, women out for their inexcusable behaviour.
The apologies eventually came – two whole days later and after many of them had doubled-down, standing by their attacks on Miss Nelson.
Dessen was the first to tweet an apology, part of which read, “I want to apologise to the person who was quoted”. Except Miss Nelson is no longer on social media. I also find it… strange that Dessen didn’t mention her by name.
Since then, many of the authors who’d joined in the witch-hunt tweeted apologies as well.
Although many of the nasty tweets have been deleted, some on Twitter were horrified at what was unfolding and saved screenshots in various Twitter feeds.
Having read the apologies, all I can say is, they’re pretty weak, half-hearted affairs, with many saying they hadn’t checked the whole story, as if that somehow excuses them. It beggars belief that people who write for a living, who have such a large influence, do not do their due diligence before leaping in to verbally abuse one person.
Another interesting thing – the apologies were made after big media outlets picked up the story.
Not only is Miss Nelson worrying over any damage this may cause her career, but she’s also in the middle of fall semester finals. She studies linguistics, specifically online harassment. As she wrote, “The irony has not evaded me.”
And yet, she is the one person who has behaved like a mature, dignified adult through this whole debacle. I’ll let her have the last word.
“If anything comes out of this larger conversation, I hope it is that others will make it a point to read books like these that push them beyond their usual perspective and challenge their assumptions of society.”