Tuesday's Tale ... of My Life Right Now
A (sort-of) poetic explanation of 'Another Pause' ...
Fifteen out of twenty-five
Married years of my life
Wandering an emotional wasteland
Waiting for the return of the man I married
Waiting for him to be a husband again
Where did he go, that man I married?
The fun, ‘stand-up’ guy I married
The man I loved
The man I would grow old with …
So many years of their young lives
Two little boys made excuses
Gave their father the benefit of the doubt
Started playing the same game as me
Waiting for this man to be a father again
The father who once upon a time
Played with them
Took them places
Showed them things
Shared his knowledge …
Two young men have stopped making excuses
There is now only doubt
They have stopped waiting …
They have their lives to live
They don’t want to be held back
So many chances, they gave him
More than halfway, they met him
But when no effort is forthcoming
When his choice does not include them
Patience is lost
Respect is lost
Relationship is lost.
Is he willing to make the effort
To put in the work
To rebuild,
Step by painful step
His relationship with his sons?
His reply is always
‘Well they don’t want to know …’
Stop right there.
Who’s the parent?
Who’s the child?
Only he can decide
If these two boys
These two young men
Are worth it.
If that man finds his way home
If he does return
It’s too late
I’m done waiting.
I’ve been there before – second best, second place
Step aside, you’re done,
For another, it’s time to make space.
But to be shoved aside
To have to make space
For cans of beer
To take my place?
Enough!
Yes, I made the decision
Not an easy decision
One of the hardest decisions I have ever made
But because I’ve done it
He thinks I’m happy
He thinks, They think
This path is easy
They don’t see the tears, the upset
That I choose not to show
Since I was
told
not to show
My angry upset
Which made
them
upset.
I did not want this
How did it come to this?
But this much I know
I’ve done all I can
To salvage this union
The time has now come
To get up off the floor
To open the door
Step into the light
Don’t want to be scared anymore
I’m done just existing
I want to start living
To stand up and say, “This is the Real Me”
You don’t like it?
Deal with it
I’m not hiding anymore.