Tuesday's Tale ... of My Life Right Now

A (sort-of) poetic explanation of 'Another Pause' ...

Fifteen out of twenty-five

Married years of my life

Wandering an emotional wasteland

Waiting for the return of the man I married

Waiting for him to be a husband again

Where did he go, that man I married?

The fun, ‘stand-up’ guy I married

The man I loved

The man I would grow old with …

So many years of their young lives

Two little boys made excuses

Gave their father the benefit of the doubt

Started playing the same game as me

Waiting for this man to be a father again

The father who once upon a time

Played with them

Took them places

Showed them things

Shared his knowledge …

Two young men have stopped making excuses

There is now only doubt

They have stopped waiting …

They have their lives to live

They don’t want to be held back

So many chances, they gave him

More than halfway, they met him

But when no effort is forthcoming

When his choice does not include them

Patience is lost

Respect is lost

Relationship is lost.

Is he willing to make the effort

To put in the work

To rebuild,

Step by painful step

His relationship with his sons?

His reply is always

‘Well they don’t want to know …’

Stop right there.

Who’s the parent?

Who’s the child?

Only he can decide

If these two boys

These two young men

Are worth it.

If that man finds his way home

If he does return

It’s too late

I’m done waiting.

I’ve been there before – second best, second place

Step aside, you’re done,

For another, it’s time to make space.

But to be shoved aside

To have to make space

For cans of beer

To take my place?

Enough!

Yes, I made the decision

Not an easy decision

One of the hardest decisions I have ever made

But because I’ve done it

He thinks I’m happy

He thinks, They think

This path is easy

They don’t see the tears, the upset

That I choose not to show

Since I was

told

not to show

My angry upset

Which made

them

upset.

I did not want this

How did it come to this?

But this much I know

I’ve done all I can

To salvage this union

The time has now come

To get up off the floor

To open the door

Step into the light

Don’t want to be scared anymore

I’m done just existing

I want to start living

To stand up and say, “This is the Real Me”

You don’t like it?

Deal with it

I’m not hiding anymore.