Chapter Eleven (Pt.2)

The royal progress moved fast, travelling through the night, snatching brief rests in daylight when none could sneak up on them. Edmon and his family were heavily guarded, with Leah making sure she was with Evalan at all times.

“Are you alright?” Evalan’s concern was mirrored in his voice and his gaze.

She turned to him, surprised at his worry for her after his own ordeal. Forcing a smile, she shrugged. “I suppose...” She blinked rapidly, fighting to steady her breathing.

“I feel it’s my fault they’re dead... Harlan, that young woman–”

Leah grabbed his arm. “No, Evalan. The only ones to blame are the brigands, no one else, especially not you. Understand?”

His eyes were twin pools of desolation. “That’s what my head says, but my heart–”

“I know, I know.” Her hand travelled down to grasp his hand. “But if you let yourself keep thinking that, it’ll only tear you up inside. And what’s the good in that?”

He nodded slowly as if it was too much effort, and she knew he was far from convinced. 

*          *          *          *

As the royal party approached the sentry-outpost, a guard was already riding back to Orenheart, having been briefed by a messenger. This close to the city, the wagons had been left trailing behind, allowing the warrior-escort to convey the royal family to safety as speedily as possible.

The sombre party made their funereal way through the city to the palace courtyard. The second commander was already standing at the top of the palace steps, the councillors still gathering around him. Berkhos hurried down the steps and executed a stiff bow before Edmon. Holding the horse’s reins, he waited for his king to dismount. “My lord–”

“Brigands, Berkhos. Again. They almost succeeded in taking Evalan.”

“No...” Berkhos’ gaze scanned the riders as they dismounted. “Harlan? Is he injured?”

Edmon shook his head. “The wagons are following behind.”

“Gods...”

“I’ve had my fill of this, Berkhos. I want a council meeting tomorrow. After we lay Harlan to rest...”

“Yes, my lord. I’ll...” He struggled to continue. “I’ll arrange for a herald... to visit his family.”

As she moved away, Leah heard her father say that he would tell Harlan’s family himself. Stopping long enough to assure Evalan that she would see him later, she walked Free to the stables then spied Conor, his arm still bandaged and supported in a sling. Hands clenched in fists at her sides, she marched over to him. “Harlan’s dead because of you.”

“What are you talking about? I was trying to save–”

“It’s not enough you had to shame us all with your behaviour in Kurabar, you then have to go and play at being a hero.

“I wasn’t. I was doing my job.”

“I wish I hadn’t given in to your demands. I wish...” Unable to continue, she hurried past him to the stables. She’d sensed his hurt and knew that he didn’t need her to tell him, for he already held himself responsible for Harlan’s death. 

*          *          *          *

With a curse, Leah sat up in her bed, pushing back her shoulder-length hair, clasping it between her hands in a small ponytail. She’d been trying for what seemed like hours to fall asleep, but it eluded her. All she could think of was that tomorrow would bring with it Harlan’s funeral. “It’s not as if we were always together, but goddess, I miss him so much,” she informed her empty room. I wonder how his family is. That’s one job I’ll never envy the heralds. And yet Father elected to tell Harlan’s family himself...

Releasing her hair, letting it fall to frame her rounded face, she laid her arms on her drawn-up knees. Resting her forehead on them, her thoughts strayed to the resentment she felt towards Conor. The logical side of her attempted, yet again, to reason that he could hardly be blamed for Harlan’s death. But if he hadn’t been part of the warrior escort, surely Harlan would still be alive. Yet the only reason Conor had been part of the escort was because she’d requested it. “So... it’s my fault?”

With a curse, she thumped her bed. “I hate this. Knowing that Conor knows about me, wondering all the time if he’s going to tell...” Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed her fists against the sides of her head, as if that could stop the unwanted thoughts, but they refused to be ignored. Why didn’t he come to me? I’m here... I’ve always been here. Yet he waits until we get to Kurabar then falls into Nadeen’s arms...

Sighing loudly, she buried her head in her hands. “I just want to be myself, to be able to be totally at ease with at least one person... not to be scared–”

“You can do that with me.”

With a gasp, Leah scrabbled back. She’d been too preoccupied to sense his presence.

Meraud materialised, sitting at the foot of her bed, midnight-black eyes fixed on her, lips curled slightly in amusement. “Not pleased to see me?”

She remained silent, refusing to look at him.

“A little appreciation would not go amiss, my dear Leah. After all, I did leave you undisturbed during your sojourn, did I not? Was that not thoughtful of me?”

“I’m not in the mood for your stupid games.”

He sighed. “A most trying trip... your secret no longer your own, and you have needlessly lost a friend. You have a lot to cope with.”

“Do you always have to state the obvious?”

“But I only speak the truth, my poor tortured one. I may not have been with you physically while you were away, but I felt all that you felt.”

Her eyes narrowed.

He edged closer to her, the blood-red, pulsating medallion around his neck swinging to and fro. “I sense how alone you feel even when you are surrounded by your friends; the loneliness that grips you when you witness the love between your father and mother. And I feel your pain, Leah; no one else feels it but I do: the pain of lying to those you love...” He leaned towards her, his smile fading; his gaze softened. “The pain of losing a friend.”

The thought that he might be making fun of her barely had the chance to form for here was someone who had at last voiced her suffering. Her throat tightened as tears tried to fight their way free. But she refused to relent; her breath came out in gasps. Averting her face so he wouldn’t have the pleasure of seeing her weaken, she got off the bed and moved to stand by the table. Hands clenching the back of her chair, she struggled to bring her emotions back under control.

“Leah...”

“Leave. Please... leave.”

“You are sure that is what you want?”

She opened her mouth to answer but said nothing.

Even though he’d lapsed into silence, she could still feel his presence behind her, and she knew she should insist he leave. But she didn’t want to be alone. She’d spent too many nights on her own when she’d yearned to be held, to be comforted. Taking a deep steadying breath, she squared her shoulders for she knew what she had to do. But goddess, I’m so tired of being strong, of doing the right thing.  “Go,” she started to say as she turned to face him then stopped when she saw the silent challenge in his eyes.

Meraud’s gaze never left her face as his hand drifted, feather-light, against hers. His calm yet provocative expression turned to astonishment as she grabbed his face between her hands, and kissed him. Breathless, hungry... needful kisses. Then, just as abruptly, she released him and fell back. He seemed to be able to do nothing but stare.

“Is... is that what you... wanted?” Leah’s voice trembled slightly, echoing the tremor that rippled through her as she fought a losing battle to push her need back into its flimsy cage. She waited for the triumphant smile that would no doubt show itself soon. But to her surprise, it was nowhere to be seen as he slowly pulled her close, and pressed his lips against hers.